reason i want to live longer

sometime you caught me by the throat, sometime you literally did. sometime i wish i was dead, sometime i just miss circling around your head. sometime i wonder why you would say i was kind, sometime i am sure love is blind.

and you, dear, you. you had me for so many time and i am not sure if you know how much impact you had on me. you hurt me, like no one else ever did. but you love me, that’s what no one will ever really understand.

all this little scares and trauma could eat me alive, if i don’t unalive me first. but your face, your perfect face flashed right before my eyes. everything that happened between us, all the love, the tears, the screaming, it drove me a little insane, but it made me stay. how come when i tried to die the things that flashed in front of me was us, how come you are a bigger part of myself than i am a part of myself. how come i let you eat my heart out and be the reason i want to live longer.

cause i usually don’t.

but you really make me do.

you will never know how many time you really made me stay.