about my life

that i wished i could tell you

a lot of things have changed, it’s not the same anymore. everything feels wrong but i guess it’s alright. but one thing stands still, you are the only good thing in my life.

i tried to cut myself again yesterday. the knife couldn’t make it through. i guess i should shop for new utensils, you would cry when you see the state of shit im living in.

i cried myself to sleep everytime im alone, most of the time. not all time though, the dog kept me sane. he is a good boy.

im still throwing up food, i feel like im needing help sometime. i look like a toad and it’s killing me inside. but you always said i look fine. i dont know if you really meant in but you are all that matter.

life gets fuckin harder and i never wanted to show it, to anyone, especially to you. you had been the prop that supports me and i don’t want to let you down. but sometime i break, like tonight. no you, no one. and i strip myself down again.

im hoping that, when im really away, far away that you almost forget about me, you would be okay. and you would look back to these times as happiness instead of sorrow.

i love you.

and im sorry for being mentally ill.